Researchers, psychologists and counsellors have come up with different reasons why marriages don’t last these days. However genuine those reasons are, they still don’t make marriage a bad thing that anyone should dread. Every relationship has its ups and downs, and marriage is not left out. Sometimes, some of the issues in marriage make you wonder how the marriage happened in the first place.
Just before committing to a person, you should watch out for red flags or certain traits that can affect your peace in a relationship.
Below are a few reasons why marriages fail.
Resistance to change;
Change is a constant part of life. What intrigued you at age 20 might not interest you at age 30, and that’s okay. It helps to accept that you and your partner will keep changing and prepare for how to navigate these changes. One partner can evolve to a different thinking pattern on a particular topic before the other. If patience is not applied, it is easy to feel you are no longer compatible with your partner. If you expect them to do what they did when dating you after ten years, you will land yourself in a mid-life crisis.
Marrying for ephemeral reasons;
People go into marriage for financial or physical benefits and other times to strengthen family or political ties. Where the purpose of the marriage has been fulfilled, people no longer see the need to keep trying. They forget marriage is hard work, even for people who entered it out of love and not an obligation.
This is precisely why you must have a heartfelt conversation with your partner before marriage. When you do this, they know precisely why you want to be with them.
Lack of flexibility;
Flexibility is open-mindedness and adaptability in a relationship. An inability to let your partner win or acknowledge when they are right or give a better idea can cause a rift and destroy the marriage with time. The new suggestion to enhance your relationship may come from a third party rather than your partner sometimes. If you oppose anything new that will improve your marriage, you risk plummeting your home to failure.
Family or societal pressure;
Societal or family pressure has led many people to marry the wrong spouse. Sometimes our families pressure us. Other times, the pressure comes from what we assume society will say, given our age and status. Women and men have fallen victim to external pressure, leading them to make rash decisions. In the long run, both parties realize the mistake. Few try to make it work and succeed, while others opt for a divorce.
People develop expectations about marriage from different experiences they encounter. Ideology is dangerous because when the expectations and reality do not match, conflicts arise in a marriage. When people from different backgrounds meet, there is no doubt that clashes can ensue. Women tend to believe that communication is essential to providing a sense of security. Men, on the other hand, feel that freedom is vital as long as they provide for the family. Most of these expectations are not discussed by parties, and they gradually start harbouring resentment.
Not showing up for your spouse;
Underestimating the importance of showing support to your spouse can be detrimental to a marriage. Showing up for your spouse can be as simple as communicating with them on issues. Being emotionally supportive and available when they need you can be all they need. You can’t have all the answers to every problem, but being there for your spouse can ease the pain. Therefore, not showing up for your spouse can create a distance between both parties.
Forgetting the friendship;
The friendship between couples doesn’t need to end because both of them are married. The foundation of every relationship is friendship, and married people tend to forget that aspect after the nuptials. Therefore, they are maintaining a marital friendship after the honeymoon phase is crucial. Marital friendship strengthens your bond as a couple.
Unforgiveness is one of the most common reasons why marriages don’t last nowadays. Our inability to forgive our partner can cause emotional stress and scars. Forgiving your spouse is a choice you must make to ensure your marriage doesn’t fail. True forgiveness comes when you forgive and forget what your spouse has done. Reliving and thinking of the past only cause both sides to be hurt and in pain.
Lack of investment;
Investment in marriage isn’t just about the financial aspect. So, what does investment in a relationship mean? Investment in a marriage means that you care about the relationship. It means that you’re willing to give time and resources. When these investments are lacking, it tends to cause a rift in a marriage. In other words, couples must make investments or sacrifices to create a healthy relationship.