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Why are People Attracted to Toxic Relationships?


Could this be a rising pandemic in the dating sphere? In contemporary times, toxic relationship has been the order of the day, resulting to traumatic experience, domestic violence and ultimately, death. What does this all mean? A recent statistic by Forbes has revealed that an average of 80% of Americans have been involved in toxic relationships and experienced emotional abuse. Individuals who are known to be easily drawn to toxic relationships show similar patterns which is why we are uncovering these patterns. The question remains: why are people attracted to toxic relationship?

Traced Childhood Trauma

Unfortunately, not everyone had a rosy childhood or a wonderful upbringing which overtime, disrupts their emotionality and their interpretation towards identifying what true love truly is or feels like. They wouldn’t know even if it hits them on the head. Because the family is the first point of socialization, it is expected for people who went through any traumatic experience during childhood to get attracted to more trauma in adulthood. Not that they consciously choose to be treated in a bad way, but because that’s all they know, and they believe that how it is or should be.

Stuck in the Love-Bombing Stage

The early butterfly stage of a romantic relationship, when the entire falling thing occurs, is one that most people enjoy remembering. This stage is commonly referred to as the “fantasy ride.” Lots of texts, late-night calls and texts, a bouquet of roses, love letters, and all that effort have undoubtedly created a really lovely stage.

Naturally, the longer a relationship lasts, the greater the likelihood that attempts will eventually wane as reality sets in. Now, things could go wrong and this reality turns poisonous. Individuals who are drawn to toxic relationships would sooner put up with being treated disrespectfully than leave or end the relationship. Why? Because they still haven’t come to terms with the fact that the fantasy stage is ended.

Ignorance of Red Flags

Toxic relationships with toxic partners don’t just take place overnight. Often times, before things get out of hand, there must have been warning indications that the significant other ignored before things got out of control. Such people would turn a blind eye to their terrible behaviour rather than confronting them or, worse, letting them go when it became untenable. Consequently, they could even go as far as making excuse to justify their actions even when the deeds are abundantly clear.

Attachment Issues

Individuals who are drawn to toxic relationships exhibit a tendency of being unable to let go. They could stay stuck with their abusers for months, years, or even decades since they are always upbeat, quick to adapt, and persistent. This can be because their personal lives and their romantic lives lack clear boundaries. The main issue here is that they would never stop ignoring the stains on the wall. They wouldn’t want to walk down the dark, terrible path that is loneliness. Unknowingly, the threat of continuing to live in the shadow of their abusers causes them more harm and makes it difficult for them to move on.

Bob-the-builder Syndrome

One mindset that people in toxic relationships have is the idea that they can “fix” or alter the horrible behaviours and characteristics of their significant other. They observe the early toxicity in the early stages, choose to ignore it, remain a little while longer, notice another red sign, choose to ignore it, and then put out a theory of reasons why their spouse is mistreating them. They then decide it is their responsibility to “fix” them, but they are unaware that this is only a psychological pretext for further mistreatment.

Emotional Weakness

Toxic Relationships
Toxic Relationships

Victims of toxic relationships have been observed to be emotional weak when it comes to making major decisions in life but most especially in their love life. In order to escape the truth of things, they’ll always look for opinions that back up their delusion as to what to do and what not instead of facing reality head on.


How to Identify a Toxic Relationship

Constant emotional blackmail

When you notice that your significant other always take you for an emotional rollercoaster every now and then, you are definitely in a toxic relationship. The aftermath of this is the awful feeling of hate and anger. The best approach to know if a relationship is truly toxic Is by evaluating everything that has transpired. Responses and reactions are the main focus points here. Abusers are very manipulative for their own selfish intentions.

Deliberate halt in communication

Toxic Relationships
Toxic Relationships

Oh! How much they love giving the silent treatment. Abusers appear very distant and preoccupied just to keep you on your toes. It so bad that most abusers evolve into ghosting or shutting you out for weeks with no explanation. Why do they do this? To keep you curious, worried, and chasing them for their attention and love. In such a way that when they do come around after hibernation, you’d be at their beck and call.

Lack of accountability

Toxic partners are never transparent with their intentions and gaslight when you shove their ugly manners in their faces. They’d prefer dancing around than come to terms of their actions, taking responsibility or rending a due apology.

Domestic violence

Physical violence is usually present in abusive relationships. However, there are other harmful forms of abuse also exist. It doesn’t matter what gender or sexual orientation the abuser is. It could include financial abuse, verbal abuse, and even sexual abuse.


Many people find themselves in toxic relationships, despite the negative impact on their well-being. The reasons why toxic relationships attract certain individuals includes psychological patterns, low self-esteem, and childhood traumas. Understanding these underlying factors can help individuals break free from harmful dynamics.

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