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8 Tips on Handling Attraction When You’re Married


Are you happily married but have recently begun a new career where there are lots of gorgeous individuals around you? Do you notice other very attractive parents when you visit the park with your kid? Does your noticing turn into lusting at some point? Do you get caught up in their allure for too long that your thoughts veer into potentially dangerous ground? Does it feel like you can’t handle attraction when you’re married?

We cannot deny God’s artistic talent. He made some people on this planet incredibly beautiful. Even after getting married to your soul mate, you will continue to notice this. Ignoring the rest of the world is simply not feasible because you have found your person.

Additionally, love is erratic, subject to change, and quite unpredictable. It is a trip so intriguing that you might find yourself in an unfamiliar territory with no clear path ahead. As a result, regardless of how happily married you are, it is possible to occasionally feel attracted to someone else.

Due to the inherent human nature, it is very likely to find someone other than your partner quite captivating. This state of being physically or emotionally drawn to someone often comes on suddenly and without warning.  It can be a scary realization but it is normal when married people have feelings for another person. The most crucial thing is how they respond to that attraction. They have to choose whether or not to pursue the emotions.

Emotions are tough to handle, especially in this tricky situation. You are in a devoted relationship and a new person comes into your life to ignite something powerful. You may even believe you have lost all feelings for your spouse. Your thoughts are unbelievably conflicted. Still, when handled in a healthy way, you might not have to worry about your marriage crumbling.

Here are tips on handling attraction when you are married without ruining your marriage:

Tips on Handling Attraction When You’re Married

Be Self-Aware

Take some time to understand what you feel. When infatuation first develops, your brain goes wild, causing an overwhelming need to always be close to your crush. Evaluate your disturbing thoughts and ideas. You may begin to observe certain obsessive fantasies. You should recognize that you are falling in love with someone who is not your spouse. The emotions could be accompanied by guilt. Be sincere with yourself.

It is important to remember that your feelings are not improper. It does not imply that you wish to end your relationship with your spouse and begin a new one.  Also, remember you are in charge of your feelings and your actions.

Analyse Your Feelings

When you are drawn to someone else, analyse the reasons behind your feelings. Figure out what you enjoy about them. Ask yourself if they are offering anything your partner isn’t. Being aware of the origin of your emotions can help you gain valuable insights into your needs and goals. Also, evaluate the aspects of your crush that you find disagreeable, which can cause the emotions to pass. Analysing the beautiful traits and warning signs can help you come out of the delusion and return to reality.

Work On Your Marriage

Over the course of time, some marriages may lose their love. Although this truth is heartbreaking, people and things change with time. Oftentimes, couples may not recognize that their relationship has undergone certain adjustments. You might not feel as close to your spouse as you once did. You two are merely coasting through the marriage, just doing whatever is necessary to get through one day to the next.

It is important to take some time to consider what your marriage is lacking. You may discuss with your partner what they feel is missing in your relationship. However, there is no point in bringing up your outside interest in this conversation at this stage. The discussion is to reveal whatever you need to make things exciting enough to channel your lust into your marriage.

Bring it into Light

Sometimes, after bringing the fun back into your marriage, you still cannot resist your attraction towards a particular person. There are instances where even when they are not around, they start to creep into your thoughts. Despite putting in the effort necessary to keep your marriage strong, you are still emotionally cheating on your spouse. You just can’t help it. Then, it is time to speak to your spouse about it.

When you expose your predicament, you deny the enemy the chance to blossom in secrecy. Having this talk will require humility and courage. Regardless, prioritize this heart-to-heart conversation. It is needed to strengthen your marriage. Besides, it demonstrates your honesty and proves that you can work together as a team.

Set Firm Boundaries and Remove the Temptation

Tips on handling attraction when you're married
Tips on handling attraction when you’re married

Establishing clear boundaries with someone you feel emotionally attached to starts with you, not with them.  Keep in mind that the romantic infatuation is personal and the fantasies in your head are not realistic. You haven’t spent enough time getting to know this person. That perfect image you think they are can be inaccurate. You don’t want to jeopardize your marriage for an unreliable assumption.

Make a conscious decision not to explore your feelings, especially since it is probably not mutual. Do not send mixed signals. Keep a distance and avoid over-familiarity. The less temptation there is, the more you can concentrate on your marriage.

Analyse the Consequences

Is making a decision on whether to act on your emotions quite difficult still? Focusing on the potential consequences can influence your choice. It is crucial to consider the long-term effects or what will transpire. Reflect on the implications of your feelings. How will this impact you later on? How will this affect your spouse, your crush, and the other people that matter most to you like your kids? Because of how intense you feel, doing this can be tough. Regardless, take a step back and give this some serious thought.

Talk to Your Loved Ones

Speak to your loved ones and trusted confidant. You have fallen in love with someone who isn’t your partner and probably feel extremely confused. Perhaps, you even feel guilty about these emotions. It would help if you let them out. Although talking about it can be challenging, you owe it to your mental health to do so. Ask a trusted friend or relative for their opinion. You can decide how much information to share. It doesn’t matter how many details you provide, as long as you get it out of your chest.

See a Marriage Counsellor

No matter how minor your issues are, a marriage counsellor can help. However, marriage requires both partners to put in equal effort and time. If you and your spouse have a busy schedule, you might want to try scheduling an online marriage counselling. Online counselling is a handy method of receiving therapy without having to leave your house or disrupt a travel schedule. As long as you both are cognizant of your problems, you can benefit greatly from counselling.


Attraction is inevitable but with sufficient knowledge of tips on handling attraction when you’re married, you can overcome attraction. It is the only thing preventing the extinction of our species. Therefore, there is no justification for beating yourself up over something so insignificant. However, this does not imply that you should succumb to temptation.

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