Love is a primal emotion that all humans possess, like an instinct. Even though it comes
naturally to humans, it takes more time for some people to warm up to love than others. For some people, it’s easy to fall in love, while others find it hard, but in the end, we all experience some form of love at some point in our lives. Just as it is easy to fall in love, it is also easy to fall out of love.
When the flame of love burns out, the need to make sense of the situation consumes us and we keep playing with what happened in our heads. It’s more like the detective in us takes over and we want to know whose fault it was if we did our best and if we are enough just the way we are.
Meanwhile, the recipient of your love may be given agape, storge, conjugal, platonic, philia, self-love or romantic love. Whichever type of love you’re offering is usually a result of the connection you share with the person that makes you want to stay committed to treating them like yourself or even better. You must know that the same rule applies to love, just like with every other thing where you can’t give what you don’t have. If you feel you deserve the best, you will want the best for your lover equally.
The connection of love is not automatic between every human we come in contact with. Before you can show people love, loyalty, and commitment, and ultimately treat them as you will treat yourself or, even better, there must be a blood connection, friendship or romantic relationship.
In the case of romantic relationships, it is usually two strangers coming together to treat each other with love. Meanwhile, a romantic relationship can go bad if people fall out of love.
Below are some of the reasons people fall in and out of love.
Why People Fall Out Of Love:
1. Unrealistic expectations
One of the most common reasons people fall out of love is that at the start of the relationship, couples feel a sense of bliss and euphoria. However, as the relationship progresses and becomes more mature and realistic, things start to change. We begin to notice qualities of our partners that we dislike and didn’t notice earlier due to the euphoria of an early relationship or unrealistic expectations like, “He/She is perfect”. Once the illusion of a perfect partner is destroyed, it leads to disagreements and conflicts in relationships and, in turn, can make people fall out of love with their partners.
2. Unsatisfying sex life
Unsatisfying sex life is a critical driving force behind most relationships’ failure. It could, in turn, lead to the loss of intimacy in the relationship. In addition, some people fall out of love with their partners because they are unsatisfied with their sex life.
However, in most cases, sex life can make or break a relationship because of its importance, especially to married couples.
3. Less time spent together
Another common reason for failed relationships is that some couples neglect to spend time
together. Spending time with your partner and having personal conversations with them is very important. You get to share little physical contact, give words of affirmation and make your partner understand their worth in the relationship. When couples don’t spend time together, they drift apart and fall out of love.
This is when one or both individuals pay very little attention to their relationships compared to other aspects of their life. Many people tend to de-prioritize their relationships because of personal goals and become complacent. They fail to understand that they should prioritise their relationships with their partners as much as they prioritise their personal goals and ideals. Failure to do this usually leads to a failed relationship.
5. Absence of honesty
Honesty in a relationship is very crucial. It is non-negotiable if any relationship plans on
surviving for long. Honesty is the best way to build trust, so once dishonesty becomes the order, trust breaks down irreconcilably.
Honesty in a relationship is a two-way traffic of parties being honest and making the
environment conducive for honesty. No matter how hurtful the truth will sound, parties must be willing to say it and accept it when it is said to them.
Taking the truth does not mean you are okay with the hurt it is causing. In fact, express anger and pain if it makes you feel better. Parties that only want to hear what is pleasing to them end up with partners skilled in lying to them.
6. Unresolved conflicts
Sweeping conflicts under the carpet always sounds easier than confronting them. Nobody wants to go through a moment of tension, so issues keep building up until the root is buried deep down. However, when addressed as they come, conflicts help teach partners about themselves and boundaries. Resolved conflicts strengthen the core of love, while unresolved conflicts make couples lose interest in each other.
7. Physical and emotional distance
With a combination of physical distance and an emotional disconnect, falling out of love is a
long time coming. It usually starts little with both parties building up a coping mechanism of nonchalance and, before you know it, nagging flying here and there or parties investing their energy and resources in things other than their relationship.
Why People Fall in Love:
Strangers can meet themselves for the first time and have something in common to talk about. The conversations often stem from arguments or conflicting ideas and other times from similar views. As they talk more, they find out they have more in common and instinctively want to keep in touch. As the friendship blossoms, they become each other’s favourite people and start looking out for each other, showing commitment to the relationship and falling in love. Admitting being in love with a friendship like this can be very tricky because most friends don’t know when they cross that line, but once they realize it, they want to stay in love because of the friendship.
9. Similar values
Opposite temperaments attract to strike a balance, but similar values bind. When you find
someone who thinks like you and feels the same way you do about specific topics like adventure, finance, romance, family, career, etc., it becomes effortless for you to fall in love with them. You will have a lot to discuss, fight over and bond with. Similar values make falling in love easily because you are not spending so much time trying to convince the other party why they should see things your way and vice-versa.
10. Mutual benefit
When people interact and find out they can benefit positively from each other, they tend to draw closer and commit to each other. Love comes easy because all parties are satisfied with the benefits they are gaining. It could be financial, intellectual, family status, change of location or even health benefits. Whatever the case may be, no one wants to fall in love with a person that doesn’t add some form of value to them.
Attraction plays a vital role in bringing people together to fall in love. Interest makes you curious about the other person, which prompts you to want to talk with them and know them better. There are different types of attractions, and they all work together to solidify the connection between lovers.
You can be physically attracted to features like their hair, skin tone, height or fashion sense. As you get to know them, you become aware of their emotional intelligence and become more attracted to and in love with them. You start to notice how they treat other people, manage conflict and treat you with dignity and respect. Once all the attractions are eminent, falling deeply in love is inevitable.
Love is an emotion that allows you to treat others with the same standard you treat yourself. When you love someone, you don’t want harm to come close to them, just like you won’t want harm to come close to you. Love makes you committed to mirroring the standards you place on yourself for the recipient of your love.