Divorces and relationship breakups have become almost a norm in every society. You find that most people call a timeout on their relationships because they have fallen out of love with the person with whom they once felt the sparkles of love and emotional connection.
While falling out of love is very possible, couples reinventing themselves and retracing their steps back to love and romance is also attainable. The recipe for a healthy relationship has more than one ingredient and just like with baking cakes, one cannot achieve the same with flour alone, so also with any form of human relationship where love cannot be the only ingredient.
Harry and his girlfriend Judith were friends for 3 years before they decided to explore their feelings and give the relationship a shot. Making it to 5 years in their relationship was met with so many challenges that at some point they came to a halt and Judith needed to timeout so she called for a break. Having alone time gave both of them time to reflect on how they felt about themselves individually, also how the relationship affected them independently and as a couple. Everyone needs to have these moments of truth every now and then.
Falling out of love doesn’t always mean the love disappears. It may get buried and difficult to express because other components of the foundation of a relationship like understanding, trust, respect, and being intentional about the relationship are greatly flawed. For Harry and Judith, though six months apart, they had each other in mind and all it took was a “hello, I’ve missed you” message from Harry to set the ball rolling in the direction of working things out between them. they agreed to meet and talk. They spoke about their frustrations, stagnations, and fears. They agreed they still loved each other and that their relationship needed help which started from fixing themselves, taking responsibility for their actions, and being accountable to each other and people they respected. They also agreed it was hard work but also something they could achieve if they were intentional about it.
Relationships are not the same, what has worked for me may not work for you but everybody you try to quiz will tell you love is never enough because humans are wired to function based on many components synergized.
Let see why love isn’t enough in every relationship
1. Nobody is perfect and there’s no perfect love
No matter how much you love your partner, you both cannot escape stepping on each other’s toes. Just as our DNA compositions are different, so also it is with our personalities. Your partner is going to annoy you, lie, disappoint, embarrass you, and conduct themselves in a manner you did not expect from them. There is bound to be conflict when two individuals try to work together because each person believes themselves to be superior to the other and the power play if not managed will escalate. Conflicts remind us we are human and trying to settle them or co-exist in spite of them is one of the essences of human interaction. I said all of that to say this, no relationship is without conflict and friction. In fact, it is in learning how to manage conflicts and imperfections that we grow deeper connections. Make no mistake, some character flaws are a red flag and once spotted, means run.
Most people fantasize over the type of love they want. A perfect love that transcends toxicity, abuse, cheating and even betrayal. While some are lucky to experience that sort of love at the start of relationships, few people are able to maintain it as there’s a chance the love wanes with time. A lot of relationships have been known to start on the foundation of deceit and falsehood. Others stopped being intentional and taking care of the relationship and these are just two common examples out of numerous reasons why the initial love wanes with time. Basically, conflicts are part of any human relationship because we are all imperfect, trying to figure out ourselves and do same for others so forgiveness is fundamental to the success of every relationship. Forgive others and forgive yourself.
2. Love alone doesn’t solve Relationship Problems
A lot of folks shy away from working on themselves in their relationships. Personal development of each party in a relationship is very important. People eventually get tired of toxicity and excuses from their partners and stage a work out. No one can fix you if you don’t fix yourself. Love thrives where the parties are comfortable with their partner’s true self. Sadly though, some people will always pick what they are familiar with even if it is toxic but their stay is not as a result of love.
3. There are people out who are more and have more than your partner
No matter how rich or beautiful your spouse is, there’s a chance that you’d meet someone that is more romantic, who has better personality, more money, and is more beautiful than the one you currently love. So, it takes a great deal of discipline to remain in a relationship even if it is a peaceful one with loving atmosphere.
This is exactly why love is more than a feeling but a choice to stay with someone, who you share same values with through thick and thin.