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How To Stop Dating Emotionally Unavailable People


To love and be loved in return is one of the best feelings in the world. It hurts if you genuinely love someone, and give them your all but get a lack of attention, love and reciprocation of your effort. Dating emotionally unavailable people can be exhausting. You should avoid it by all means.

If you choose someone who is emotionally unavailable, it always ends up the same way. It ends in disaster, it ends in crisis, it ends in heartbreak and it may affect your self-esteem. Surprisingly, this has become a pattern. Some people are always attracted to emotionally unavailable people.

And if this pattern isn’t broken, you will go through unsuccessful relationship cycles. You meet someone that ticks all the boxes of a partner for you. Their company is all you crave, you share similar values and it feels as though you have gotten hold of your dream lover.

And after falling in love, you realize that they are holding back and not returning your energy. Although you try harder, you still feel unwanted, insecure and disrespected by their actions. Does this sound familiar?

How To Stop Dating Emotionally Unavailable People:

You can stop dating emotionally unavailable people if you follow the tips below.

1. Look Out for Signs

If a person is toxic, uncaring and disrespectful at first impression, chances are that they will be the same all through their lives. So, if you are sensitive enough during friendship, you will realize if you should go ahead to be their lover or not.

The negative signs or what is termed called red flags are always glaring during the talking stage. Particularly, emotionally unavailable people, are often mysterious, deep, brooding and sweet-talkers.

Therefore, you should look out for partners who have a range of emotions from when you meet them. These people are very open, they are willing to talk to you even when they are unhappy.

2. Be Truthful to Yourself

The first step to liberation is self-examination. You should reflect on yourself if you are
consistently in relationships with emotionally unavailable partners.

It’s likely that you will find something endearing about the shallow emotional expression of such people. Perhaps it reminds you of a previous childhood relationship, or perhaps you are dealing with challenging emotions due to trauma from the past or a mental problem, making the lack of strong feelings initially appealing.

Regardless of the causes, if you are able to recognize the pattern, you are already halfway to correcting the problem that may be keeping you in an emotionally distant relationship.

3. Insist On Defining The Relationship

If you are in a relationship that isn’t defined, chances are that you will be frustrated by the
perceived lack of commitment of the other person.

Before you agree to date anyone, ensure you have an agreement in place to identify what the relationship is about.  A relationship label ensures you know if the person will be committed or emotionally available.

Although a lot of people are careful about labelling a relationship at the onset, it gives you all the clues you need.

4. Recognize That Cannot Change Anybody

In as much as people can be influenced, bear in mind that you cannot change anybody. The
moment you find that your partner isn’t an emotionally available person, it is best to call it quit. Instead of trying to change their nature, it is best to move on so you don’t get heartbroken.

If you get into a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person, they will magnify your
weaknesses and your negative traits. For example, if you are insecure, an emotionally
unavailable partner will make you feel more insecure because of their actions toward you.

You may realize that this isn’t actually in your best interest if you can explain why you’re dating an emotionally unavailable person.

5.  Develop Your Sense Of Self

If your desire to date emotionally unavailable persons is a result of self-esteem problems, work on enhancing your self-worth and confidence. The way you feel about yourself has a direct impact on your interactions with others and your dating life, says psychotherapist and relationship counsellor Rachel Dack to Bustle. You are no longer prepared to settle for anything less when you are self-assured and able to attract a terrific spouse.

Dack advocates developing a skill, engaging in interests and hobbies, and practising healthy self-care practices like working out and getting more sleep. And do not lower your standards because you want to accommodate an emotionally unavailable partner.

6. Ask Yourself This, “Are You Really Ready For A Relationship?”

If you are not properly healed from a broken relationship, chances are that you will attract
broken and emotionally unavailable people. Be sure that are ready to date someone before
getting into a relationship.

The moment you realize that you are afraid of commitment is when you should not commit to another relationship. It is believed that people attract people who are in a similar emotional place to them.

Do the scars of the past make it difficult for you to open your heart again? Doubts about your instincts may be a result of prior mistakes. Consider the other parts of your life as well.

It’s difficult to get out of that routine. To feel sorry for someone who doesn’t even give a damn is a waste of time, regardless of whether you want to help them or boost your own ego. No, of course not! Even though hearing that it may take some time to discover the relationship you deserve can be upsetting, I assure you that when you finally break the habit, you will find yourself in the one you deserve.


If a relationship isn’t bringing you happiness, peace, love and satisfaction then you’re probably in the wrong relationship. A relationship may not satisfy all your emotional needs but it shouldn’t be the reason why you’re unhappy.

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