People have often described their romantic connection as a fireworks display with lots of sparks and passion. Everything from when they start noticing themselves, connecting, and creating stronger bonds, is a pleasurable experience in relationships. There is a glow that precedes the flame of desire burning in couples and it is always delightful to watch. You can see how effortlessly they care for one another and are in sync.
The sad truth is that most relationships fizzle out quickly. Some are as long as it takes for the partners to agree to start dating. Once they are an item, complacency and familiarity creep in and they stop doing what they were doing at the beginning to get each other’s attention. Some sparks last long enough for partners to marry and get kids. With kids in the way, partners devote their entire attention to caring for the kids and neglect themselves. For others, third parties and mid-life crises are the culprits for quenching the sparks in their romance.
Reigniting the flame of love can be difficult, but it is possible. Here are some effective methods to rekindle your relationship.
1. Develop a fascination with your partner
I bet it was the fascination and curiosity that got you attracted to your partner. If you were to ask yourself why you stopped learning about them, it could be either you felt you already knew them and there was nothing else to know, or you are not even sure why you stopped. If you can introduce the same intentionality you had when you wanted to see if you could give them your heart back to your relationship, you will realise that your partner is changing as much as you are, and both of you have to keep learning about each other.
2. Stay true to yourselves
Change is inevitable and very much welcomed, but losing yourself and becoming someone neither you nor your partner can recognise is unacceptable. Once the innocence you both had at the start of the relationship disappears and you start doing things to please other people at the expense of who you truly are, you will kill that spark. Don’t spend time portraying yourself as someone else to your partner or people that don’t have a say in the relationship. You will end up suffocating the relationship. Partners should stay true to themselves if they want to rekindle their relationship.
3. Fuel the passion for intimacy
People think good sex is intimacy; if they offer good sex, the relationship should not have problems. Sex is into all there is to intimacy. People have paid for good sex, and the package did not include intimacy. It would help if you learned to connect with your partner physically and emotionally. Hold their hands, show concern, pay attention to them, be physically and emotionally present, and surprise them now and then. Something as simple as planting a kiss on their forehead when they are not expecting it or reassuring them of your love will go a long way to reawaken their relationship.
4. Do not neglect words of affirmation
It is easy to see the things that your partner does in the relationship as their role and forget to appreciate them. However, if your relationship is experiencing emotional downtime and burnout, you must go back to the basics. You must be intentional about showing gratitude, telling them they are loved and appreciated, and generally, not taking them for granted.
5. Work on your conflict management skills
Some relationship problems build up because one party is aggrieved but does not want to confront the other for fear of conflict. In other cases, it’s because one or both parties focus on anger and lash out at the other without solving the problem. Both scenarios will breed distance between parties. Partners must learn how to resolve conflict by talking about it in love and not sweeping it under the carpet or shouting at each other.
6. Find a communication channel that works for you
Some people find it challenging to communicate with their partners about serious issues. However, when it comes to discussing other topics that don’t bother their relationship, they have no problem talking and having fun with their partners. It might be part of why the spark is dying out if you are such a person. The best way to fix it is to find a mode of communication you are comfortable with. If face-to-face works, then do that. If writing a letter or journal works, then, by all means, use it. If chatting on social media helps you be vulnerable, go for it even if you are lying on the same bed and chatting.
7. Go back to the drawing board
You may have accidentally found yourselves in a relationship because you enjoy each other’s company or intentionally talked about dating and set out goals. Whichever category you belong to, it is possible that your relationship values got mixed up or blurry along the way due to so many factors. Partners must return to the drawing board to fix the situation and set out roles, boundaries, likes, and dislikes. The hard work is not spelling out boundaries and preferences but putting in the work.
8. Introduce spontaneity
Familiarity with your partner and routine are some factors that blow out the flames of passion. You have to be innovative and spontaneous while you balance the routines you have to keep up with. Buy flowers for no reason, pay for a couples massage not because it’s your anniversary, and be unpredictable and sweet to your partner. Do more things that will make you laugh till you are both teary, and watch the sparks explode.
Rekindling a relationship after it has gone from hot and heavy to slow burn can be intense. In truth, most people aren’t interested in reigniting former romances. Some are unlikely to succeed, especially if they are always arguing and unhappy together. However, for individuals who had no reason to fall apart in the first place, these tips may be useful. Also, for those who simply cannot forget their lost love, ‘the one who got away’ doesn’t necessarily have to be gone forever. Go ahead and make a move right away.