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How Childhood Trauma Affects Relationship of Adults


An intriguing case study emerged when a woman in her mid-50s sought help from a licensed professional psychologist in the UAE (United Arab Emirates). Surprised by her lifelong reluctance to form relationships, she embarked on a journey to understand the root cause of her emotional barriers. Dr Nashwa Tantawy, a distinguished researcher at Dubai-based Openminds Psychiatry, Counselling, and Neuroscience Center, took on the challenge to delve into the complexities of her psyche.

Initially unaware of the underlying reasons, she gradually revealed a distressing tale of sexual abuse by a family member during her early years. The trauma had cast an enduring shadow over her life, hindering her ability to engage in meaningful connections. As the memories resurfaced, the path to healing proved arduous, requiring immense resilience.

The intricacy of childhood trauma and its repercussions on an individual’s emotional and psychological well-being is profound, reflecting diverse facets of adult life, particularly in relationships. The experiences of early life trauma leave enduring imprints that mould how individuals perceive and engage with others. Trauma significantly influences the quality and dynamics of adult relationships, just like the case of the woman in the case study. In this comprehensive piece, we delve into the essence of childhood trauma, its ramifications on adult relationships, the path to healing, and the pivotal role of seeking support to conquer its lingering impacts.

What is trauma?

Trauma is a formidable force in the human psyche, shattering mental coherence and leaving lasting imprints on one’s relationships in adulthood. Childhood trauma encompasses adverse occurrences during the formative years that surpass a child’s coping mechanisms, imprinting lasting emotional marks. The origins of trauma vary, ranging from physical, emotional, or sexual abuse to neglect, domestic violence, loss of a loved one, or other distressing events. Such experiences disturb healthy emotional development and pave the way for enduring consequences in adulthood.

How Childhood Trauma Affects Relationship

Let us explore how childhood trauma manifests in adult relationships through a lens of heightened perplexity and burstiness:

  1. Struggles with Self-esteem and Insecurity:

Survivors of sexual abuse might feel compelled to overcompensate and appease others, driven by shame, guilt, and diminished self-esteem. Likewise, exposure to domestic violence during childhood can profoundly influence perceptions of acceptable behaviour and self-worth. Childhood trauma can adversely affect self-esteem and self-worth, leading individuals to harbour feelings of unworthiness of love and affection. This belief system can lead them to settle for unhealthy relationships or push away genuinely caring partners.

  1. Hyper-vigilance and Emotional Reactivity:

Some individuals exposed to early trauma develop a constant state of hyper-vigilance, persistently on the lookout for potential threats. Consequently, they may exhibit quick-tempered or aggressive reactions to seemingly minor triggers. Trauma disrupts healthy emotional regulation, leading to emotional outbursts or emotional detachment. The volatility this brings strains adult relationships as partners grapple with navigating through such emotional fluctuations

  1. Aggression in Conflict Resolution:

The trauma’s impact can manifest in conflicts, wherein individuals respond disproportionately, resorting to aggression instead of constructive resolution. This can also result in an individual being clueless about ways they can deal with or fix the aftermaths of the conflict.

  1. Fear of Abandonment:

Witnessing a loved one’s traumatic loss during childhood can evoke fears of neglect, leading to a persistent desire for comfort and security. Intense fear of abandonment becomes a hallmark of trauma, compelling individuals to adopt clingy or avoidant attachment styles. Emotional dependency struggles or the erection of walls to avoid potential hurt pose significant obstacles in forming secure connections with others.

  1. Avoidance of Intimacy and Social Withdrawal:

Sexually abused individuals may grapple with intimacy in adult relationships, avoiding emotional closeness due to heightened anxiety and fear. This aversion to stimuli from past traumas can lead to social withdrawal. This avoidance thwarts the growth of profound, meaningful connections, impacting overall satisfaction and fulfilment in relationships.

  1. Insecure Attachment Styles:

Exposure to trauma at a young age can result in unstable attachment styles, making it difficult for individuals to define themselves or form trusting connections. Childhood trauma can erode an individual’s capacity to place trust in others.

  1. The danger of repeated Trauma:

Notably, consecutive traumas may compound the effects of early trauma, leaving individuals vulnerable to further distress. Breaking free from this cycle demands a systematic healing process, characterized by acceptance, open communication, resilience-building, and self-care.

Path to healing from trauma

The journey to recovery requires embracing the painful memories rather than suppressing them. Building resilience involves recognizing past triumphs over adversity and cultivating coping strategies for future challenges. Below are a couple of steps to healing trauma

  1. Seek Professional Assistance:

The healing journey begins with acknowledging the impact of childhood trauma on adult relationships. Consulting mental health professionals, such as therapists or counsellors, offers indispensable support in navigating past traumas and their effects on current relationships.

  1. Master Communication Skills:

Engaging, in communication skills training empowers individuals to express their needs and emotions effectively, facilitating healthier and more candid communication with their partners.

  1. Embrace Self-Compassion:

Self-compassion stands as a cornerstone for childhood trauma survivors. Being kind to oneself and acknowledging that the trauma was not their fault fosters the reconstruction of self-esteem and nurtures healthier relationships.

  1. Cultivate Emotional Awareness:

Cultivating emotional intelligence and developing awareness of emotional triggers and responses empowers survivors to manage their emotional reactions within relationships.

  1. Foster Supportive Relationships:

Enveloping oneself with empathetic and understanding individuals aids the healing process. Joining support groups or seeking companionship with compassionate friends provides a sense of belonging and validation.

  1. Embrace Mindfulness and Self-Care:

Embracing mindfulness practices and prioritizing self-care equips survivors to cope with stress and triggers, bolstering emotional well-being within relationships.


Understanding childhood trauma and adult relationships reveals a lot. It entails the reasons why most adults behave the way they do especially when they are in relationships. Childhood trauma casts a prolonged shadow over the landscape of adult relationships. Its influence on trust, emotional regulation, communication, and intimacy challenges beginning healthy and gratifying connections with others. Nonetheless, acknowledging and addressing these challenges with empathy, support, and professional guidance can pave the way for profound healing and transformative growth.

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