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Different Ways To Build Intimacy

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When we discuss about relationships, intimacy is often not prioritized enough than it’s supposed to be but unknowingly, bonding with your significant lover is as important as the relationship itself. Emotional intimacy is the centre of a healthy relationship.                                                                           

What is intimacy?

Intimacy ability of establishing deep connection with your partner through steps that convey emotions, vulnerabilities and more deeply with your partner through actions that express feelings, vulnerabilities, commitment, trust. A relationship should be the safest place to be vulnerable with whatever weakness and flaw. Having to share happy moments and sad moments as well without the any belittlement is what makes a relationship “healthy.” Building good intimacy with your partner gives a sense of security and being understood.

Intimacy alone doesn’t always mean sex. Sex is just a tiny part of the whole equation. Bonding can differ from individual to individual. A few examples of bonding are taking walks at night, having lengthy personal conversations, singing together and so on. It is ideal to understand what your partner’s bonding method is as this helps you understand how to connect in a deeper level.

 

Types of Intimacy

Intimacy can further be categorized into four sections:

  1. Emotional Intimacy: the closeness and connection between two people who feel safe and secure with one another.
  2. Psychological Intimacy: Exchanging ideas between one another.
  3. Communal Intimacy: Engaging in related activities that brings you together.
  4. Sexual Intimacy: having venereal relationship with each other.

Even after spending a lot of time with someone, it can still be challenging to get past our inner barriers. Even while you can’t make someone else vulnerable, you may make an effort to be vulnerable yourself.

 

How can you tell if your relationship lacks intimacy?

Build Intimacy
Build Intimacy

A relationship starved of emotional intimacy has a very peculiar attributes which can easily be identified if you pay close attention to the attitudes of yours and your partner. Here are some signs that your relationship lacks emotional intimacy:

Disconnection

All of a sudden, your partner feels so distant, it’s almost as if they are turning into strangers before your very own eyes. Why is that so? It is because you know longer share a connection and that feeling of excitement you once had anytime you saw them seem to have vanished into thin air. Now all that’s left now is just a sense of trying to live the day by instead of enjoying the day and cherishing every moment you share with them. A lack of intimacy in a relationship often leads to loneliness on a long run.

Constant Arguments

Every relationship will have its ups and downs from time to time and as a matter of fact, having those difficult conversations are what strengthens a relationship. The issue here is the manner of approach used, the speaking tone – are you always yelling at your partner when expressing yourself? Without proper shaping of intimacy, you might never understand how to get over arguments without feeling the need to quit the entire love affair hours later.

Lack of Communication

Sharing your secrets, talking about your relationship, and breaking crucial news to your spouse are all parts of a relationship. When both partners can express and comprehend each other’s feelings, a relationship is often happy. When there is lack of intimacy in a relationship, there is usually an imbalance in communication.

Insecurity

It’s okay to need reassurance once in a while in a relationship but when it becomes constant, that’s where everything needs to be re-evaluated. In the end, intimacy fosters a strong sense of security inside a relationship and the freedom to be totally authentic without worrying about endangering the union. A partnership struggles in many ways without this connection.

When you are able connect with your partner on a deeper level of intimacy, you’d discover that the insecurities you’re having or unrealistic and just an illusion in your head (except you find tangible evidence).  Having intimacy in relationships eradicates the feeling of being lonely and misunderstood. In the end, all it takes a little bit of uneasy conversations here and there then boom! Everything’s back to the lovely way it was.

Ingratitude

How can you get intimate with your partner when you barely acknowledge the little things, they do for you? You can’t have it and eat the cake. If you don’t acknowledge the effort, they put in to have everything set up, you can’t expect flowers, homemade dinners, and all the other wonderful things you enjoy. You know, a little “please”, “You’re so pretty” “oh, I love how you…” or “You’re strong” could be intimacy that relationship lacks.

Without Intimacy in the picture, a romantic relationship cannot continue over the long run.

 

Why are people having difficulties in creating Intimacy?

There are several reasons. Let’s look at some of them:

Inconsistency

In ability to be consistent creates some sort of dispersion between you and your partner which leads to difficulties in creating intimacy. Let’s say you’ve always gone on date nights with your partner thrice in a month but you suddenly stopped without any explanation whatsoever. Your partner on the other hand, starts wondering what went wrong. This feelings overtime creates more and more problems which eventually lead to a mismatch in overall communication.

Lack of empathy

You cannot say you are in a romantic affair when you can barely comprehend your partner’s emotions for time to time. If you cannot understand your partners emotions (see previous article on emotional intelligence), you’d always find yourself asking questions at the wrong time but at the right place. You have learn how to be patient with your partner.

Fear and Isolation

People who are too comfortable with doing everything on their own or live in their own tiny bubble never have it easy when it comes to creating intimacy. Scared of being vulnerable to anyone whose presence in their lives might be temporal, they tend to shove away any sort of closeness the moment they sense it.

Ways to build intimacy

Build Intimacy
Build Intimacy

As with numerous other abilities, cultivating intimacy requires practise and may take some time to perfect. However, there are a few things you can do to strengthen your emotional bond with your partner, starting tonight:

Be Intentionally Vulnerable To Gain Their Trust

There’s no better feeling than knowing that one could express himself without any belittlement from their partner. If your significant other are having difficulty in expressing themselves before you, you could be that person and make them understand with you, they are in a safe space. This could comprise discussing a work-related incident that you might not have otherwise brought up, expressing a difficult-to-share emotion from the past, or disclosing something about yourself that you’ve been holding back.

Trying New Things Together

What’s a better way than learning a new language or a new recipe together? Engaging in hobbies together does not only build intimacy, it also brings about oneness.

Stay Connected

Leaving notes, morning messages, love letters for your significant other when they’re beyond your reach is the most thoughtful way of actively building intimacy other than texting after 10hours or not reaching out at all. When building intimacy, ensure to work on your communication.

Prioritize Love Making

Study has shown that constant sex does not only trigger your creativity, it lowers your blood pressure, lowers the risk of heart disease, boost your immune system and drastically decrease depression. Endeavour to constantly initiate sex – Sexual intimacy is the most delicate type of intimacy. You don’t necessarily have to wait for your partner to make the first move. Be creative and very intentional about it too.

Consistent Appreciation and Compliment

Whether you’ve been together for a few months or a century, it may be natural to take our partner’s good qualities for granted and occasionally challenging to convey how much we value them. Making it a habit to appreciate and affirm your spouse’s contributions specifically will both help you recollect why they are significant to you and let them know you see them. Never make your partner feel unimportant by neglecting to express your gratitude. The simplest vocal affirmation is to say, “I want you to know how deeply I loved you.”

Schedule Check –In

Having regular check-ins in times with your partner is one of the quickest ways to build intimacy with your partner in a romantic relationship. The purpose of the check-ins is to connect deeply with your spouse by asking questions to see where you’ve ever made that person sad or uncomfortable.

How do you schedule a check – In?  The check-in date, frequency and time can be collectively decided by you and your partner. It could be weekly, monthly, which ever you decide. Here are some few examples of the questions that you can use to build intimacy in a relationship.

  • In what ways have I been falling short on my part in this relationship?
  • Is there anything bothering you that you haven’t be able to talk about?
  • Lately, have any of my words or actions trigger you in any way that you haven’t be able to talk about?
  • Is there anything you’d like me to improve on?

When building intimacy, your intentionality, consistency and effort is what really determines how well the relationship will thrive. Intimacy helps you feel content, secured, empowered and happy. Intimacy is essential and must be prioritized in a relationship.

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