Picture-perfect love is attractive, glowing, loud and fabulous. It is often the envy of everyone, which is to be expected because unconditional love is a beautiful thing. What “fairy tale love stories” and real down-to-earth love stories don’t publicize, however, is the difficulty behind the scene moments and tough decisions that couples make. Two reasons why we get to see the good side of love more could be because of the need to keep up their appearance, and another reason could be because the couples don’t feel the need to dwell on the bad, especially when they have a good conflict resolution technique going on for them.
Is love just love, or must it be broken down into different forms? Ideally, love is supposed to mean what it is, love. But time, usage and reason for igniting the emotion have primarily been characterized by many factors that have made it practical to categorize love.
Love can be classified based on the reasons we give or feel love for another person, either for conditions or the absence of conditions; in other words, just because. None of the forms of the love classifications mentioned above is terrible or better in and of themselves, and I’ll explain. For example, some couples spell out conditions to be met before they express affection or perform duties befitting their roles as couples, and it works for them if everyone keeps their end of the bargain. But, in some cases, some people give their all, receive ill-treatment from their partners and still say that all they know how to do is give love to that person.
You must know that love is more challenging than the beautiful pictures and social media mega data content we consume daily by the second. Even when couples are putting up a front to keep up with the Joneses, love is work. It is double work when parties decide to love each other unconditionally. When they stay through the flaws, lack, sickness, financial difficulty, difficult family members and the anticipated happy moments, unconditional love can have different layers and nuances in the sense that some actions and philosophies can feel like unconditional love while they are not. Also, some people may only be capable of giving or receiving unconditional love if they address issues in their lives.
Below we shall discuss some nuances and different connotations that layer unconditional love. From what you need to do to give or accept unconditional love to what it looks like.
Love is beyond emotions; it is how you act
Our senses pick up physical attributes from people that resonate with our emotions and ego, and we act on them to get closer to people we are attracted to. These attractions are expected to move from physical to a deeper level of connection with the person. We get to see them for who they are and allow ourselves to go on a journey of discovery into their different veneers. Then the more you see them, the more real they are at separate times in their lives. You want to give them your all and ensure no harm befalls them, and they lack nothing as long as you can provide. Likewise, your partner is drawn into your gravitational pull and can give themselves to you regardless of your flaws and inadequacies. The beauty of the type of love mentioned is that every person in the relationship knows how the other party worships and adores them because they go the extra mile to act out their emotions. Each partner can bank on the other person’s words and actions with no doubt.
Learn how your partner wants to be loved and love them that way
Sometimes the issue is not that you’re not acting out your love and giving your partner priority. So, it becomes frustrating when you do your very best, and it doesn’t look like you’re scratching the surface. This can lead to stagnation or decline in affection instead of exponential growth. Sometimes, loving unconditionally can look like having an honest conversation with your partner about how you want to be loved. When you discover that your love language is different, it doesn’t mean you made a mistake in your choice of partner. You must be open-minded when conversing about how each partner wants to be loved. You must also be patient with your partner, especially when they are much younger than you and try to understand life, people and relationships.
Be gracious to yourself
The saying, “you cannot give what you don’t have”, or its adaptation “, you cannot pour from an empty cup”, are as evergreen as the first day they were uttered. Loving properly starts with loving yourself better and believing you deserve it. Loving yourself right will make you rich with so much love to give out. You won’t gravitate toward anyone out of a love deficiency. Still, because you have a surplus of love to give out, this will significantly affect the quality of people you allow in your corner. When you choose yourself, you go from loving not out of a need to be loved (unconditional), selecting people that think like you and saving yourself from being in a relationship with manipulators and people that want to suck you dry of all the love you have.
Accept that love involves making tough decisions
Behind every love story you have, wishes should be yours, are tough decisions and hard work holding the relationship together. You might be thinking, including the relationships keeping up appearances? And I say, especially them. In relationships that are adorable only for the gram, someone has to decide to make their relationship believable regardless of the toxicity in the relationship, and that is harder than for people who have a good thing going on for them. People that enjoy healthy relationships make decisions to be accountable to each other, set boundaries and respect them, help each other and love whether it is convenient or not. An outsider seeing the finished product will not know that there were temptations and provocations that could have justified not showing love, but someone decided to take a long way home.
Learn forgiveness
For every human relationship, you must be able to forgive and let go else you will be an island. The truth is that even the people you thought would not do you like that will do you like that, and it might be intentional or unintentional. We will hurt people on purpose or by accident, which is how life goes on. In marriage, the pain from hurt is much more intense because this is your person, and they should know you more than anyone else. Things you won’t react to when strangers or extended family do to you. You will escalate when being done by your partner because you do not expect hurt from someone you can go all out for and not treat in a particular way. Saying that we are human and subject to hurting and being hurt by people does not ease our pain when our partner does something wrong, but you can try this cognitive reframing instead. Remember how bad you feel when you wrong your loved one and how much you want them to forgive you and give you a second chance, then extend the same grace to them every time. Not as a trade-off or by keeping scores of when you forgave and not it should be their turn.
Show love to people even if you think they don’t deserve it
In essence, I am trying to say be kind to everyone, whether they deserve it or not, who are in the same social circle. When you can be kind to the cleaner, homeless person, waiter, mean boss, or annoying colleague, you are teaching your heart to be kind to your partner even when they act in an unworthy manner. You will find out that spreading love makes the world a happy place.
Do the little things that count
Social media has commercialized relationships by portraying partners that give expensive gifts as the standard. Don’t get me wrong, costly gifts are excellent and should be done as often as possible. However, sometimes, giving quality time, being present, doing the dishes, helping with the kids, helping with bills, listening, showing respect, being reliable, and coming home with unexpected tiny gifts can go a long way because the little things do count a lot.
Conclusion
Unconditional love is the highest form of love we can ever give or receive from a person. However, we must practice unconditional love on ourselves to give it effectively to our partner or know when it is given back to us.
