Anger outburst always feels like a good idea till you’ve done it and are left with the consequences of your reaction. Does this mean anger as an emotion should be suppressed? By no means. You must register your displeasure so that people can understand how hurt you are, learn how you’d instead be treated, and clear any misunderstandings. Once people understand how furious and displeased a situation made you feel, they can explain themselves better or apologize, and it is at this point your healing begins. So, as you can see, anger is a powerful emotion that should never be downplayed. Anger is also good because it spurs people to fight for social change, attitudinal change, behavioural change and change of association. However, there are proven tips to manage anger and stay calm
Anger can be displayed in unhealthy ways and if not checked, it can affect the quality of life and relationships a person has. Anger issues can sometimes be traced to underlying behavioural disorders, abandonment issues and trauma. When triggers collide with these underlying issues, the behavioural disorder can manifest as a need to bully others and be mean to them. Abandonment issues can mimic tantrums due to jealousy and neediness. At the same time, traumas can cause feats of aggression towards anyone perceived as a threat.
Anger issues need to be managed to have any semblance of healthy relationships with your different circles. So, here are Tips To Manage Anger And Stay Calm
Practice relaxation techniques
Often, anger results from stress and tension. Getting the stress and anxiety out of the way helps to quell the outrage. One recommended way to relax is to target one or all of your senses. You can do so by listening to music, thinking of your happy place, stepping out in the heat of an argument, deep breathing, drinking something warm, yoga, and repeating calming words to yourself. These relaxation techniques help you forget why you were angry or elevate you above your anger by soothing you and putting you in a position to forget about what got you angry or try to fix it with a clear head.
Use humour to extricate anger
When faced with an annoying situation, one way to manage it is to lighten up and, though hurtful, try to humorously convey the message of your displeasure. Try asking them questions that will open their eyes to the hurt they’ve caused you if they try to answer. While at it, try to avoid sarcasm and passive-aggression in an aim to hurt others. You can lighten your mood by acknowledging that the joke is on you for believing some people could evolve to a certain level of maturity. Once you know some people will never change, and you think they would be a tall order, it helps ease the anger rationally.
Think before you speak
The first action to take when managing anger is to not take any action for a short while. Instead of an outburst, be patient enough to count to 10 backwards. The pause can help you recalibrate and determine whether you want to address the cause of anger reasonably or let the matter go altogether.
Speak when you are calm; State what upsets you
The advantage of speaking when you are calm is that you say what you mean, and you mean what you say. Therefore, not adding fire to the existing smoke with unintended words said in the heat of the moment. The thing about saying what upsets you when you are calm is that you are settled enough to know the right words to express how you feel. The person you are talking to hears you clearly, and you also listen to yourself. It is vital to hear yourself when you speak so that you own the responsibility for whatever you say.
Exercise
Exercise does well for our physical body and mental state of mind. It helps relieve stress, which can significantly trigger mood swings and flare-ups. The endorphins released during exercise can help assuage unpleasant moods and put anger under control when faced with circumstances that trigger it. Training teaches you discipline and control, and these lessons trickle into everyday life, including managing anger.
Talk to people that have a calming effect on you
When you’re furious at a situation or person, you can mitigate the anger by talking to a neutral person. This allows you to process exactly what is making you mad and if you are right to be angry. The safe space the person gives you to rant gives you calm and clarity because you are not afraid of being your true self, expressing your vulnerability or being judged. Whoever you choose must be a good listener who allows you to speak without interruption and then give an objective response. Most times, you don’t even need their response. The mere act of talking through your feelings will help dispel the situation. Make sure your aim is not to vent and emotionally dump on your listener because that can have dire consequences on your relationship over time. Instead, talk through your feelings to find a solution, and hear your thoughts out loud.
Identify your triggers
Often, a line-up of occurrences happens before the big outburst. It could be accumulated irritability from someone stepping on your toes, traffic jams, lack of sleep, sarcasm you didn’t find funny, mental and physical exhaustion, etc. The straw that breaks the camel’s back brings a tirade of temper upon anyone in the way. If you can isolate the trigger(s), you can either work on avoiding them or become conscious of them and how to work around them.
Ask yourself if the price for an outburst is worth it
Remember, getting angry is a natural response to things that are upsetting. It also serves as a mechanism for self-preservation against injustices and toxic relationships. The issue is the mode of expression and if it is justifiable. For instance, being mad at injustices and going out on protests is morally acceptable and has changed humanity’s history. On the other hand, slamming an object on the car and the personal effect of a cheating spouse are frowned upon by society. Similarly, ask yourself if being mad will get you the desired result within reason. If not, cool off before you engage the annoying person or situation.
Now is not the time to assume
When you’re boiling with rage, you must stick to facts and stir clear of assumptions. An assumption is a belief in a false narrative of an event or person’s thought without proof. The mind is known for creating imaginations that are capable of being true. The only problem is that with assumptions, the fact that the narrative looks plausible does not mean that is the case in the matter you are considering. Your conjured-up portrayal may be accurate in another situation, just not the one you are addressing. When a situation or person pisses you off, try to hear the other side of the story before you open a worst-case scenario file and assign the case. There may be an explanation that makes everything better and keeps your anger at bay.
Find a new distraction
Staying fixated on the reason for your distress is never a good idea because it keeps you stuck and unproductive. You can take advantage of the brain’s ability to focus on anything you pay attention to by focusing on something entirely different other than your anger. Within a short time, you’ll forget what got you upset in the first place. You can take a stroll, wash dishes, watch a show, etc.
Do not minimize your anger
The central theme of this article has been telling you how to manage outbursts, and it may look like minimizing your anger is the way to go. In essence, act as if you are not angry or feel guilty for feeling outraged. However, managing anger does not equal suppressing it. When you handle anger, you are honest that a situation or person made you feel terrible and willing to find the best way to act. When you minimize offence, on the other hand, you question why you feel uneasy then you live in denial. Minimizing anger is a temporary quick fix, yet a ticking time bomb that will explode out of control. While managing anger is a long-term solution-oriented route.
Show a little kindness
Learning to be kind will change your approach to life and people. Instead of glorifying your anger which you have the right to do in some cases, you extend love and kindness to the person or situation by trying to hear their side of the story, not from a defensive or offensive point. It doesn’t mean you’re not mad at what happened, but you are choosing to accord people the kindness and dignity of talking to them with respect.
Conclusion
Expressing your displeasure calmy does not take away how to hurt you are. Instead, it gives you a chance to communicate clearly and find a solution or a thoughtful apology from your offender. Finally, anger can spur changes or destroy relationships, so ask yourselves, is the outcome of my anger what I want
